When ‘Forever’ Falls Apart: The Real Cost of Divorce

Let’s not sugarcoat it—divorce is #&*$.

Having coached many clients through divorce, I can tell you: it’s messy, emotional, and often traumatic. While around 10–15% of couples manage to part ways amicably, remaining respectful or even friendly—maybe sharing meals or attending family events together—that’s the minority. Roughly 30–40% of divorcing couples fall into the “cordial but distant” category, where they manage to divide things respectfully, keep the kids in focus, and avoid major conflict.

But the other 45–60%? It’s war.

Accusations fly. Lies are told. Custody becomes a battlefield. Money gets hidden. Money gets taken. Words are weaponized. Lawyers are hired. And even when there are no children involved, the heartbreak runs deep. After all, this is the person you once dreamed of spending forever with. That dream doesn’t dissolve without pain.

When kids are in the picture, the stakes are even higher—and the emotional fallout hits everyone. Children are caught in the crossfire of emotions they didn’t ask for and don’t understand. It’s devastating.

This is why healing is essential.

Heal yourself. Don’t wait for rock bottom. If you’re already in a relationship, start working on your patterns, your triggers, your wounds. If you’re single, use this time to grow. And if you're thinking about marriage? Get help before you say “I do.”

We’re currently coaching a couple preparing for marriage who are doing exactly that. They’re asking the hard questions now—about expectations, past hurts, future dreams. It’s smart. It’s brave. And it’s setting them up for something solid. Wise couple.

We also worked with a couple twenty years into their marriage, both with kids from previous relationships. They came to us because they didn’t want to fall into the usual traps. They wanted to heal—for themselves and for each other. That kind of humility and courage? It's rare—and it’s powerful.

And if divorce truly is the only path—after you’ve explored every option, invested time, and exhausted your resources—then don’t go through it alone. Find help to support your healing. A doctor may be a good first step if depression or anxiety set in. Maybe it might mean talking to a spiritual leader, a therapist or coach or perhaps even a non profit organization dealing with domestic abuse. Whatever it is, get help to heal.

Make sure your children have a third voice—someone who’s not you or the other parent. A grandparent, a trusted friend, an aunt, a therapist, a school counselor… anyone safe and consistent. They need a space to process what’s happening—now, and potentially for years to come.

And you need that too. You need support to heal from the wounds, the heartbreak, and the disappointment. And you need tools to navigate the divorce as amicably—or at least as cordially—as possible. For your sake. And theirs.

Healing in whatever part of your journey is here to stay.